“Failure’s not an option. It’s a step”
In my last post, I wrote about failure. About going from feeling invincible to feeling defeated. About not achieving a new personal best in my third half marathon this year. The disappointment. The frustration.
But then comes the realization that I can learn from my mistakes. I can try harder. I can use the failure as motivation and a push to do better. Because really, that is what running is all about – overcoming whatever it is that’s holding you back – whether that barrier is physical or mental, running lets your mind wander and be free while your body works.
And really, the fact that I have run four half marathons this year, given I tore my meniscus in two places and had joint effusion in my left knee last year after my first 15km race (the Christchurch City 2 Surf), had Achilles tendinitis this year after the Wellington half, and was never a runner in the first place, is impressive.
Not many people can say they have run four marathons in one year, let alone one.
However it hasn’t been easy. Running is a solo sport. But most of all it is a mind game. It is a challenge to your will power, your self control, your belief in yourself and your ability. That is why I am drawn to it – I am a competitive person, and competing against myself is the most addictive (and dangerous) sport of all.
When you do well, when you achieve a new personal best or run farther than you ever have, it is an amazing feeling. Crossing the finish line at a race makes you feel invincible, like you have just taken on the world and can do anything. But when you feel defeated, when you doubt yourself and doubt why you even ran in the first place, when your body hurts all over and you feel a true sense of disappointment, it takes a strong mind and a love of the sport to be able to overcome that sense of failure and do it all over again.
And that is why I feel I can call myself a ‘runner’. Because last Sunday, I ran my fourth half marathon. It was hot, sunny, with no pace runners, no shade, no cloud, very few water stations and I was not in the best frame of mind. At several points I wanted to give up, to stop, to get a taxi back to the start. I even contemplated cheating. Or calling my trainer early on a Sunday morning to have him give me a pep talk.
But I didn’t. I made myself persevere. Because no one else would care if I didn’t finish. If I stopped, I wouldn’t have let my family or friends down, I would have let myself down. Because that half marathon was a test, to see if I could give it my all, have no energy left at the end, feel pain and completely waste myself. So I finished, at the slow time of 1:48:03. Sure, I was in the top 16% of female finishers, 17 out of 109. Top 35% of total finishers. But for me, I felt defeated. Devastated. What was the point of the pain and suffering, only to finish THAT slow.
But, as I said, running is more than exercise, it is an intense one-player mental challenge. At the end of the day, I was able to pick myself up and turn my disappointment and devastation into something else. Like the Nike quote above says, failure is just a step. You have to fail in order to succeed. If you don’t fail, how can you improve. How can you truly achieve everything you are capable of and know true success. After Napier, I realized that I needed to feel failure to truly focus and commit myself to doing better, to analyze what I did wrong and know how to improve ad continue.
So, that afternoon, as I was lying in the sun, resting my weary body and disheartened self, I decided that I wanted to move on from half marathons. I realized that I was getting frustrated and fixated at achieving a time of 1:40. I wanted that 1:40 so bad I would do anything to get it. I had planned on finishing the year with a half marathon in Jacksonville, Florida, but knew that if I did, I would either (a) achieve a new PB and seriously injure myself in the process, or (b) I would not achieve a new PB and that failure would probably make me never want to run again.
So, my solution? Run the marathon instead. The full 42.6km/26.2 miles.
So, to the countdown. 61 days. 61 days to get my body and mind prepared. Your body is able to run a half marathon, even on minimal training, your body can physiologically handle the stress. A marathon is a whole different beast, that your body is not able to run without some serious commitment, physically and mentally.
So what does this new goal mean for me? Well…I ran the Napier half marathon last Sunday (2o October 2013). A full 21.3km in one go. Usually that would mean a full week of recovery, rest and very little exercise. But now that I am training for a full, the Napier half was just an ordinary training run. No different from any other Sunday to come. So Monday (21 Oct) was rest, and Tuesday I was back into it. This led to the below comparison on RunKeeper after my 24km run yesterday (Sunday 27 October) – the week leading up to and including the Napier half, and the training week following.
So what do the next 61 days (7 weeks) look like?
Mondays: Rest and yoga in the evening
Tuesday: Group personal training session (strength) in the morning and speed work/intervals in the evening
Wednesday: Long 13-19km tempo run – this will be the toughest part of the program. I will have to learn to love the treadmill, whereas it is currently my mortal enemy.
Thursday: Personal training (strength) in the morning, maybe a 5km in the evening or at lunchtime
Saturday: 9km run on a set route with hill repeats
Sunday: My long run. Last Sunday was 21.3km. Yesterday was 24km. Next Sunday is 27. Then 30. Then 33…
So we will see what happens. We will see how well I go with fitting it into my busy schedule. The above photo was taken just after 5:45 in the morning on Wednesday – I didn’t have time to fit in my 9km run after work on Tuesday, so got up bright and early to fit it in before strength training at 6:30.
No doubt my friends and colleagues will get sick of me talking about my training and my nutrition. My Instagram is going to get even more bombarded with running related shots and hashtags. My Facebook statuses are going to get more narrow and focused on my runs and personal training. I am going to read more and more about running and training techniques, how to overcome ‘the wall’ and various race day fueling tactics. And my diet is going to get even more controlled and set than it already is. But you know what, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I began the year with my first half marathon in New York City, through and around Central Park. It seems fitting that I end the year back in the United States with my first full marathon, perhaps the first of many….